So it’s been a long time haha

hello,

It has been to long…I haven’t written anything since like August of last year haha. So a lot has happened one of them being I got a boyfriend! I know shock because I haven’t had one for years. Not that I hated being single just that I didn’t like men that were worth more then a date or two. But that is besides that point so I have a boyfriend. Things are going great we get along really well he has met my family and friends and everything went kosher with that. I met part of his family and things went well with that but the one thing that irritates me is Gabby his friend that is a girl….I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t really like her or the fact that he hangs out with one on one. I mean I know I have my own friends that are guys. I mean my close circle of friends consist of mostly guys. The only thing is that I think at one point in the “friendship” he might have liked her but she was going out…well and still going out with the guy. He told me she was beautiful to my face and I am not one of those girls that flip out when you find out your guy glances at other girls (I know men do that). However there has been moments when he would bring her up at the weirdest times. Like we are not talking about other people and just something with us and she will come up. And she is the only friend that is a girl that comes up with him. So I don’t know what to think sometimes. I don’t want to overact or be that crazy girlfriend but I am worried sometimes because I feel like that I am playing second fiddle to her…and I shouldn’t have to because I am the girlfriend not her…ME. So I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to hang out with me tomorrow when he knows that he won’t see me for over a week and decide to hangout with her. Granted tomorrow is her birthday but I mean come on is he going to hangout with her all damn day and night that he can’t see me at all. Some of the situations that arose kind of worry me because they hurt my feelings a lot. I am usually a pretty confident person but he has made me feel like complete shit at some points and I have never really felt like that before. I feel unattractive, inadequate, and a consolation prize because he didn’t really get what he wanted. I thought that relationships are supposed my you feel happy most of the time. I know that relationships have rough patches and that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. But I don’t think that I should feel like this and that I should talk to him about but I’m scared that he won’t choose me or want to be with me if it came down to me or her. I’m scared. And I know that if it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t meat to be but that doesn’t make it hurt less. She is this tall, blonde hair, blue eyed, beautiful girl and here is me short, dark haired, sometimes insecure girl. I mean how am I supposed to compare to that. If he thinks that is beautiful then how do I fit into that category? We are as different as they come. On top of that I don’t that I am the usual type of girl that he goes for :.…I guess even if I am scared and don’t want to I should put my big girl pants on and be me. A person that said they were not going to be like there mom…just sitting there taking all the bullshit that they are trying to feed me. I am going to fight for my relationship and for myself. And if he decides that I am not what he wants……..then I am going to cry and eat ice cream and go out and dance. Then I will move on and find someone that puts me first because god knows that has never really happened in my life even with my family with the except of my mom. No more being chicken, No more making excuses. Wish me luck because I think that I am going to need it. Good night and may my crown never fall. (Or my sanity lol)

With Love,

Snugglebuddy

PS

Girls if your boyfriend is treating you like crap or if you are not one of his top priorities then find someone else. Find one that treats you right because life is to short to waste time being unhappy. (Hopefully I am just being jealous and paranoid in my situation….because I really love this guy…but I won’t stay with him if he won’t even try see it from my perspective)